99 Uses for Your Old Handle
In these tough economic times, you can’t just be throwing things away when you get new ones. So we figured it was finally time to break out the list we tricked you all into creating, filled with creative uses for your old handle. Please note, however, Alliance Wakeskate is not responsible if you try any of these and fail, nor do we think most of them are good ideas in the logical sense of the phrase. Enjoy!
1. Walking the dog. Instead of having your average dog leash handle you could substitute the original handle for a cooler rope handle. If you have a big enough dog, you could practice handle passes while you run behind him.
2. Walk your cat with it. It’s ridiculous enough that you are walking your cat, no one will think twice you are doing so with a giant handle.
3. Make use of my handle and some bungees to create a workout system like the Total Ab Solution.
4. Tie to a tree. Only if you have a trampoline next to the tree tough, otherwise neighbors might get the wrong idea.
5. Wait, nevermind, you could also tie it to a tree and make an awesome tree swing.
6. Dog chew toy. Distract your dog with it while you are tying them up to stop chasing cars, boats, etc. It will work until it chews through the rope.
7. Get a bunch of old handles together and get a mayhem match going (5 riders behind 1 boat — complete GNAR!)
8. Tie a few old handles to an old swing set and have a new, colorful set of Monkey Bars.
9. Hang on the wall-I’ll tell how it symbolizes that girl you never could hold onto after you played Rodeo with her (Urban dictionary, Definition 2)
10. In the spirit of the season, a Christmas Tree Ornament
11. Wear it around your neck and say, “check out my bling!”
12. Use your handle to pull open doors five feet before you get there.
13. Swing the handle round and round then throw it like a lawn dart, but handle darts.
14. Tie it to your girlfriend’s belt loop, so you can always say, “GET OVER HERE.”
15. Tie weights on one end and use it to work out with and get in shape for wakeskating.
16. Put it on your Intern so you can lead him down the right path
17. Hook it to a bell and let it be your new doorbell.
18. Hang it over you bed and use it to help you up in the morning or anything you might need a handle for in bed
19. Throw it at the moron that is on your lake or river and hopefully they run over it and it ruins their ride. Take the glass back!
20. Hook your cell phone to it so you always have a handle on things.
21. Fold it in half, hook a bag to it and now you got a new strap for your purse or for guys, murse.
22. Hook the loop to the bottom of your guitar and the handle over the neck! BANG stylin’ strap for your back yard jams.
23. A hanger for wet vests/shorts/shoes. That’s not really funny, but it seems pretty useful.
24. Triangle for pool. To rack pool balls because you thought you lost your handle and had to use the original rack so you could ride. Of course it broke, but that v flip while clutching a rack is something your friends will talk about for years to come.
25. For skateboarding behind a golf cart.
26. Picture frame. Take a picture of the handle, then cut the handle in 4 pieces that are the same length, glue them together in the shape of a square, make a picture frame out of it, put the picture you took of the handle inside it and above the picture frame write, R.I.P.
27. Sweet new Tech Deck rail.
28. There must be some new drinking game you could play with it.
29. A basketball rim for a trashcan.
30. Use it to help guide drunk friends to where they need to go.
31. Create the new hit sport called body sliding. The handle gets tied to an ATV. A rider must get greased up and then gets pulled behind the ATV. The grease allows the slider to do all kinds of tricks. It’s going to be on ESPN de Ocho next Fall.
32. Turn it into a lasso for catching cattle by the horns
33. Put a net on it and turn it into a floating bait bucket that clips on at the waist and still drags in the water.
34. Put a burlap sack on it and slide it over a horse’s mouth for a feedbag.
35. Hoop for puppies or kitties to jump through.
36. Put a Jesus piece on it, it’s a hella dope chain now.
37. Transform the entire handle into a triangle to bring the cattle home, ringing it for feeding time.
38. You could use the handle to try to use it to hold up a broken arm or leg or something like the old hospitals used to do. You would always have riding on your mind, which could be a good or bad thing.
39. It could be used as an effective weapon to hurt some one by choking them or beating them with the actual handle. Don’t carry around a rope handle though, unless you like to get in fights because people would make fun of you for carrying one around.
40. You could use it when you wanted to sneak out of you house or some one else’s. Attach to an old rope, secure it to something in the house and slide on down. We do not recommend putting it to use, but if you want to go ahead.
41. Use it to replace to missing bottom rung of a fire escape ladder.
42. Attach it to a yo-yo to do the perfect “Rock the cradle”
43. When dancing to the Village People’s YMCA, hold up the handle to represent the letter “Y.”
44. Hang it in a birdcage, as a perch for a 12 lb. Canary.
45. Use it as a dinner bell for the hearing impaired.
46. Use it to lasso beers that are a little out of your reach. (This one may take some practice to perfect.)
47. Launch it into trees to get fishing lures/line down when you misfire.
48. A whip to add to your utility belt for fighting crime, etc.
49. A boomerang to fight away the mutated lake jellyfishes.
50. A triangle to sit under for meditation purposes.
51. A super fishing rod to hook a shark and skate into the sunset (The most honorable death a skater could have.)
52. Hang two as backyard Olympic rings and have an Olympic-style ring contest.
53. Make it the pull start for a generator.
54. A handle for getting pulled behind the snowmobile on the snowskate when the lake freezes.
55. Use it to hang small children when they are annoying.
56. Sell it to a very stupid homeless person.
57. More reasonably, give it to a homeless person so they can enjoy the sport of wakeskating. Now they only have to get a boat, skate, and some shoes (if they dont already have them, of course.)
58. Hand towel rack for the ultimate wake bathroom.
59. Use it as a stencil for when ever you need to make actual sized pictures of handles.
60. Attach it to the end of a parachute rip cord so you can be sure you’ll be able to grip it midair.
61. Great Nintendo Wii attachment for future wakeskating video games.
62. Music Triangle. There is potential for some serious new beats here.
63. Rear view mirror decoration – Fuzzy Dice are so last year.
64. Replace the baby’s rattle or pacifier.
65. Use it as a belt. The rodeo buckles have nothing on a 15″ EVA buckle.
66. Give it to a kid who has cancer because he deserves lots of gifts.
67. Keep it under the seat of your truck as a tool of protection against squirrels and crackheads.
68. Make a extremely large keychain out of it, that way you would rarely lose your keys
69. Use it to tie off the boat to the dock.
70. “EVERgrip” prototype. Attach a set of handcuffs to handle, which are then attached to a person so they never can let go of the handle.
71. Donate it to the Museum of ‘Sorry your Warranty Does Not Cover THAT Damage’ along side the hall of waterlogged cameras and the exhibit of ‘Thanks for running over my glasses’
72. Use it as a shish kebab stick for full sized t-bone steaks.
73. Cut the handle down the middle (without it breaking in half), then hang it from a tree. Tell your friend it’s a swing and tell him to sit on it, then watch him fall.
74. Use it as a magic wand to perform magic tricks on the side of the road for some extra gas money.
75. Say you have a gay friend who has a girl friend as a cover so no one knows that he’s gay. His girlfriend does not know that he’s gay but is wondering why they haven’t “done anything.” You could round off one side of the handle and give it to her and say, “I figured you might want to use this.”
76. Make a kickbutt ceiling fan out of old wakeskates and use the handle as the on/off switch. You’ll never have trouble finding the cord in the dark!
77. Attach it to the horn in your car so you can honk like a real trucker. whoot! whoot!!
78. Tie it to the local homeless guy down the street so you can hitch rides places.
79. Keep the old one in the car and use it to ditch skate everything (You’ll probably have some funny bail pics as a result).
80. Hang it in my giant birdcage for your bald eagle to sit on. (hopefully you don’t really have a bald eagle, it would get sick from being in captivity, and it’s illegal….get it, ill eagle.)
81. Cut off the rope and attach a stick to the front of the handle and use it as a divining rod to find gaps. Handles and sticks are magical.
82. Use it as the bit piece for my Clydesdale named Budweiser. He likes to pretend he’s an X-Star and that he’s pulling me on my wakeskate. Please, he chewed through his last one and now he’s depressed.
83. Give it to a friend’s girlfriend who has him whipped. Let her put it around his neck so she can lead him around without having him wander off
84. Hang it from a tree so you can squat when camping when your beer stomach gets the best of you and no outhouse is in sight!
85. Cut the rope part off and you have a very nice club to knock your fish out when your ready to clean them
86. If the old handle grip is metal cash that baby in at the local scrap yard so you can get some money to ride.
87. A second handle for filming while riding. Or just riding doubles.
88. Gator Hunting.
89. Put it in your jeans when you go to the bar…. great way to meet the ladies. “Is that a throbbing fifteen inch wakeskate handle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” This idea is cheap, effective, and works a hell of a lot better than a lasso at getting girls. You will probably be swarmed by so many beautiful women that you wont even be able to beat them off of you with your old handle.
90. Use it as a stencil to draw a house, which you could then paint blue while listening to Eiffel 65’s “I’m Blue (Da ba dee).” And to quote, it would be, “a blue house with a blue window.”
91. Send it to the Discovery Channel for ‘Shark Week.’ They could find out if wakeboarding/wakeskating in the ocean increases your odds of a shark attack.
92. Covertly super glue it to your friend’s hands before he rides so he would quit dropping the rope.
93. A flag for your mailbox. Make sure the mailman knows where to deliver those wakeskate-related packages.
94. Staple the handle under your desk in my cubicle at work and practice my handle passes in your spinning office chair.
95. Use it as a weapon. Have you ever tried to fight somebody using anything wakeskate related? It’s kinda hard. You can swing your board at them but a wakeskate has a lot of wind resistance and is quite easy to dodge. There’s not much you can do with a vest, they float, are kinda awkward, and are basically made to save lives instead of ruin them. This is not the case with an old handle, you can beat the sh*t out of somebody with an old handle. Just place it in your hand and give it a nice downward swing directed at whatever person, place, or thing you want to impair. A huge benefit of this is that most handles look pretty cool, so you can deliver a beatdown and look legit as you do it. If you have to assault and batter somebody you may as well do it right.
96. Make a pipe out of it. Some of you will laugh at this idea, some will go grab their old handles. Eventually everyone will realize the future in wakeskate technology has nothing to do with designing new products, but just trying to figure out how to smoke out of the old ones.
97. Use it to fraud people on eBay. MY handle has been used to tow every pro wakeskater ever, cures cancer, and is inter-changeable between boats. Make me an offer.
98. A new handle to pull start an old school lawn mower!
99. After reading all these ideas, hook loop in a tree, put handle around neck and jump!