September 10th, 2008 by admin

Recently AWS came across this memo while browsing the forums of corporate America. We’re not sure who this Brogan Greenly is (a google search came up empty) but he might really be on to something. Here is a complete transcript.

The Next Big Thing
September 1, 2008

Our market research has indicated that following up on the success of sports such as skateboarding, another “extreme” sport will be the next big thing. I have spent the past year researching the market and trends, and here is what I’ve found.

First I looked at some sports that have tried and failed. Going back to the dawn of ESPN’s X Games, we see sports such as skysurfing appearing and then disappearing. The problem there was clearly accessibility, as well as spandex. Any sport that involves spandex seems to quickly fail with the “extreme” sect.  Then we see snakeboarding, street luge and rollerblading come about. All had that risky nature and the thrill of moving fast through natural obstacles, and clearly required little skill, which made them seem like they’d catch on. However, they were lacking in the “cool” factor, and therefore, failed to find adequate investors and interest to survive.

Another interesting attempt was with a product called Heelies. While these strange “roller-shoes” were originally marketed as “extreme” they found more success on the feet of children. However, we do not need an activity that will be adored by young children. Finally, a trend emerging now is an interest in MMA from some of the “core” companies. And while hand-to-hand combat is interesting, what we need is the next great sport that will win the mainstream’s heart with its free spirit and hip participants.

After my extensive research I have finally concluded that the next big thing is happening right now across every lake in Orlando, FL: WAKESKATING. It is like the rebellious brother of wakeboarding! Given participants are not actually attached to the board, they are able to do trickery made popular by skateboarding. But unlike its wheeled predecessor, its participants are attractive, tanned, and ride with such reckless abandon their butt cracks often hang out of their board shorts.

An interesting trend I noticed in wakeskating is they try to deny the money required, however, don’t let that worry you. As far as I can tell, there is no way to participate in this activity without some sort of motorized vessel. With the money to buy boats, jetskis and gas, comes the money to buy Xtreme lip balm, flashy apparel and gimmicky products that are made for cheap and sold for a lot, such as our company manufacturers. Wakeskating is easily the new cash cow.

I’ve discovered a few brands have already realized the potential of this sport. Energy drinks seem to have women in bikinis feeding the participants their sugary products at every wakeskate event. Certain shoe manufacturers have started making special shoes, and employing some of the more attractive athletes to wear them, thus selling them to young people everywhere, whether they actually do the sport on not.  Our brand needs to invest in this fledgling market as soon as possible, perhaps even before the start of the new quarter. Since it’s still young, we will earn credibility, which seems to be important to those individuals who wakeskate. Based on my research, there is no reason that wakeskating will not make us all rich.

—Brogan Greenly, CPFOA

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