The Rules of Social Media
Self portrait while driving. #onlyifyour16
-Don’t post more than one pic a day. Clogging up the feed is highly dangerous and often times leads to an “unfollow”.
-Don’t post pictures or tag friends after your 4th alcoholic beverage. Everything is a good idea after 4 beers: Drag racing your car, taking your nuts out in the club, and checking your “taken” friends in at the strip club. Not cool bud.
-If your friends girl is a ho and you know, snag his phone and upload the titty shots. He’ll understand…eventually.
-To get more likes, hash tag things like #lesbian #boobs and #ass. They most likely have nothing to do with your pic, but sex sells, so capitalize.
-Don’t comment more than once on your own post. Being into your own shit is totally uncool. Post and then leave em hanging. It’s way more mysterious. For example “On the boat with Jen Aniston” then go cold.
-Just go ahead and spare us the self portrait pic.
-Unless your eating a cobra snake for dinner, we’re not interested in pictures of your food. We all eat food three times a day, every day, and don’t care for your blurry meat loaf.
Jeff Langley coming in hot with 1 like on this desperate food photo…#fail
-Sponsor plugs – If you must plug your sponsors, make it interesting. “just got done wakeboarding : )” and then @ mentioning your sponsors is not interesting, but this is:
“just scored a date at the cable because this new @______ wetsuit makes my package look huge.”
-Less is more. Don’t force it. We can go a day without a post from you, especially if all you’re doing is watching the real housewives of Atlanta.
-When someone comments “hey cool pic what app is that?” tell them to go to the app store and search “suck it”.