Innuendo – Guide to Budget Cuts
A Wakeboarder’s Guide to Budget Cuts
It’s 2015 and you know what that means: New year and new budgets! For lots of us that probably means less coin in our piggy banks, along with more riding/work. And maybe more free stuff! Here are a few tips on how to navigate the upcoming year on a shoestring budget (or less than that, ‘cause most of us don’t have shoe sponsors with shoestrings anyway…)
- Mac and cheese isn’t THAT bad for you…
– Mooch off Harley. He’s in his prime right now, so get it while the getting is good!
- Start coaching. Because so many kids want to land that raley!
- When you’re getting free schwag, make sure it’s good schwag. It’s all about the resale value here. You might not be getting paid anything, but you could probably sell those shades and that board for a pretty penny…
– Gas prices are at record lows here in the U.S., so start stockpiling it now. When summer comes around you’ll be ready to ride on the cheap, or you can even sell your gas to other desperate riders for a profit. CHACHING!
- So many of us grew up as spoiled brats, so you know what that means: time to call the Bank of Mom+Dad. Parents have a hard time saying no to their child “following his dream”…
– Have you seen some of the creepy personal ads on Craig’s List? There has to be a money-making opportunity in there somewhere. It sounds wrong, but lowered moral expectations can lead to higher cash flows.
– Farm your hair.
- Kickstarter. Everybody’s doing it and who wouldn’t want to fund your pro lifestyle full of Not
– Beer, sleeping in, and obnoxious Snapchats?
- Work at a cable park. You’ll get paid some and can probably ride for free. And chicks dig callouses…
- Convince your team manager why that best friend/bro of yours on the team is no longer valuable and why you should get his paycheck instead. Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures. It’s survival of the fittest in this broeatbro world.
If those survival tips aren’t enough, here are the five things you should avoid unless you want your career to go up in flames.
1. Become best friends with AJ Racinelli
This kid was and probably still is very talented, but once he logged into social media he lost a lot of friends. He was a ridiculously good potstirrer. We now refer to him as the Online King of Beef. Sounds tasty, but won’t do your career any good.
2. Sign with a company that’s named after a trick
It’s really a great way to give your brand an identity in the sport by naming it after your favorite trick. Actually it might be the worst idea ever. “Hey bro check out my new Whirly Dick shirt!” Yep, that’s got a nice ring to it…
3. Call Rusty Malinoski a pussy to his face
If you think you can take him down, go right ahead. Just make sure someone’s filming so we can all see how that pans out for you.
4. Make a web video that involves milk and honey
Videos with these two substances should only be featured on sites that you view in your “private time” with all the lights off. Unless you’re watching the Cooking Channel, of course.
5. Hire your dad as your agent
Sounds like a good idea right? Nope, it’s a terrible one. There is only one thing worse than a Wake Dad, and that’s a Wake Agent Dad.
Artwork: Wes Jacobson