The Orlando Exodus!
by Patrick Wieland
At one point in history it seemed as everyone was selling all their possessions to purchase a plane ticket 1st class to Orlando, Fl. But after talking to the Airline rep that handles all that, they have informed me that it’s the total opposite now.The huge migration to Orlando has all of sudden stopped, and replacing it is now a quick get away to anywhere but Orlando. Wakeskaters are just leaving everything but their boards and winches and jumping on the first flight out. You would think there was some kind of epidemic in the wakeskate world, but maybe Nick Taylor’s idea that “Orlando kills the stoke” is starting to be a reality for many.
I have pulled up to every winch spot and normal riding spot in Orlando and everything is left untouched. The air is stale and the spots are collecting dust from being unused. After calling every wakeskater on my phone, I found they have all deserted the promised land of Orlando for cleaner, less polluted, stoked -filled towns around America.
These are the latest wakeskaters to leave, but even more may be leaving as you read this!
After trying to keep bassett from being bassett in Orlando and releasing Fun Boots! upon the world he has left Orlando to get away from the paparazzi. He is traveling to Greece to find a retirement home and a European bank to hold his money from Fun Boots! and if he ever returns, it will be to Narcoosee.
He went back to Ohio, the state for lovers, where his younger brother Austin Pastura awaits. When these two combine they create magic on water, landing tricks never before thought of and never before believed capable.
Hooksteeze went back to the big city of New York to sling some gold watches and pursue his career on Broadway. He saw an ad looking for tall handsome bloke and applied. You can now see him in the spotlight every Thursday and Friday Night in the play called “Creatures of the Night”
Last he was heard from, Danny is spacing somewhere between the Keys and the moon. Rumor is he has a storage space in Orlando still. One can only imagine the things that are stored in there. After one nude picture being leaked, there are plenty of rumors about what else might be hidden deep inside the storage.
It’s officially. He’s taken up residence in Texas and now has a BOAT! You’ve heard the song “I’m on a Boat” right? Well that’s Aaron. Don’t know if Tpain is there but I’m sure there are numerous wakeskaters on that boat. When not on the boat Aaron spends time in Hollywood, California filming the new Obscura video. It will be the first ever wakeskate video to be shot on the Paramount Pictures property.
After beating Call of Duty and winning the MLG season overall most consecutive air strikes, he is heading back to Cali. There he will help Aaron create the masterpiece that is going to be the new Obscura video. When Grant’s not blogging he’s getting coffee for the boss and cleaning up around the set.
Manzari has been seen gracing the rolling hills of Tennessee. You’ve heard of the guy who lived with the bears? Well Matt does’nt live with them, he actually hunts them with only his bare hands and a knife he carved from the tail bone of an orca whale.
Perhaps the saddest tale, TJ is in the streets after losing his bed spot at Frye’s. No one knows where he is but he’s probably driving somewhere between Orlando and Miami looking for pickup truck work. So if you need something moved or hauled away he’s your man.
Lemons went back to Louisiana after losing everything to a pack of Myspace stalkers. Orlando just became to much of a burden after everywhere he went the scene girls would scream his name and ask for his autograph. He no longer includes his location on Myspace, but if any scene girls read this, I know where he is.
After shredding all the winch spots in Orlando he just wasn’t satisfied. So he headed home to Texas, full of millions of spots that never have been touched. People search for gold and oil but Clint and Crew are searching for the untameable winch spots dotted around the rivers and gorges of Texas.
So before you book your ticket to Orlando to go spot pros, better rethink if risking losing all your stoke is worth it! Besides, there may not even be any one left!