Boat Rats (artist: Wesley Mark Jacobsen)

By: WakeZeach

As most people know, you need to be somewhat fit to wakeboard recreationally. But to do it everyday of your life is another story. Many top riders have begun some pretty serious training regimens to stay on top of their game. Fortunately (or unfortunately), we get to witness many of these gym sessions through our handheld television sets, aka social media. I know those gym sessions have got you all stoked up wanting to start your own training regimen. Now, you’re probably wondering which workouts you should do to maximize your performance on the water, right? Well, look no further, because WakeZeach has just came through with “Wake Workouts”, a tutorial on how to stay fit without the purchase of a pricey gym membership.

*these are obviously a joke, don’t try these at home kids*

  1. Gas Can Strut – Sick of carrying those gas cans down to the dock? Turn it into a workout by doing an extra lap back and forth between your truck and boat.
  1. Lead Weight Dodgeball – Got a bunch of lead weights to put in the boat? Nothing like a friendly game of Lead Weight Dodgeball with your buddies to get the blood flowing before a session. It’s a guaranteed fun way to get the heart pumping.
  1. Air Raley Endurance Test – Start off your set with as many back-to-back raleys as you can. You might be wondering how many should I do? When you catch your toes/scorpion, you know you’ve hit your max.
  1. Surf Push-ups – Enjoying a casual wakesurfing session? Let’s take it to the next level by dropping down to your stomach and doing a quick 100 push-ups. More advanced wakers can add a girl wearing a bikini on their back to intensify the workout.
  1. Foil Pump – So far we’ve focused on the upper body, time to get those legs going. Quickly attach two wakeboarding ropes and get that foil floating. Set the speed to 15 mph, pull yourself in as hard as you can and try to catch up to the boat by pumping until you just can’t pump anymore.
  1. Tower Ups – Many people still believe wakeboarding towers were designed as a tie off point for your rope … but the truth is they were designed as a chin-up bar to increase the size of your biceps. So it’s time to put that tower to use and do chin-ups until your arms go numb.
  1. Fat Sac Relocation – It’s a huge pain in the ass to move a full Fat Sac around. So let’s take it as an opportunity to burn some calories. Fill the biggest Sac in your boat (preferably 800 lbs or larger) directly on the swim platform. When Fat Sac is full, grab a friend and move it to the bow of the boat. Be sure to lift with your back.
  1. Lung Buster – Take your favorite wakeboarding rope, throw it in the water and drive directly over it. When you are sure it is wrapped up in the propeller, violently rev the boat back and forth between forward and reverse to guarantee the rope is a disaster. Now turn the boat off, swim underneath and begin to untangle your masterpiece. This is a great way to build endurance in the lungs.
  1. Shoulder Shocker – Hook up your rope at approximately 70 feet, hop in the water with nothing on your feet, hold on tight a tell the driver to pin it. Drag behind the boat for as long as possible. If your shoulders dislocate, I’m sorry but you just weren’t cut out for the wake life.
  1. Funnel Finale – A strong liver is a vital part of the wake life so for this exercise, start wakesurfing and get your pal to pass you beers as you funnel 10 consecutively.

Once you’ve completed this rigorous test of wake prowess, you can now actually wakeboard. Hopefully you’ll still have the energy.